My Fiance Says I Don’t Respect Him, What Should I Do?

In Claris’s mind, she respects her man. She reeled out; ‘I don’t use abusive words with him, I have never insulted him, why would he complain to my parents that I don’t respect him? I don’t know what he really wants.’

They have gone their separate ways before because of their constant quarrels and now they are back together. From her story, they seemed to disagree on almost everything, they are like two parallel lines yet they love each other. She didn’t know what to do to make her man see her as a respectful lady.

“I love my boyfriend and I respect him too, but he is always complaining that I don’t respect him. 

For a while, we separated because we needed time to think things through, I was the one that asked for the separation, because we were constantly fighting. 

“We both work, he is into the hospitality business, and I work in the bank. I only have time on Sundays, because my Saturdays are for my personal errands. He asked me to quit my job, he wanted me to go into business, I have told him several times that I am not cut out for business. On the other hand, he manages a big hotel with clubs, not that I don’t trust him, but I am not comfortable with it. It seemed that we have opposite personalities. 

“I have been to his club, what I saw; night crawlers were at their thing, some of them doing a quickie under the dim light, many of the young men already high on some substance were drooling over the half naked ladies. 

That night, one of the strippers came to our table to give me a lap dance, I frowned upon it, how can a girl give a girl lap dance? I asked him, and he said it is normal. I was so irritated. I declined. The sensual ambiance in the club could even make a priest fall into sin, not to talk of him, yet he claimed to be pure. 

“We are back together, but he insisted that if I don’t want to do business I needed to change my job, he said he didn’t want to marry a banker. And I love my job, this has been the bone of contention. 

We don’t always agree, most of his ideas are off, there are things he wanted me to do that are against my wishes, he forgot that I have my own dreams and aspirations too. He just wanted to lord his own dreams on me.

”He told my parents that I don’t respect him, this is the only thing he complained about me. I am wondering why he said it, I don’t insult him, infact I have never used abusive words for him. I respect him and I don’t know what he really wants, what should I do to respect him?

Dear Claris, every man wants to be respected by their woman, but respect could mean different things to them. To

some men respect could mean you placing them high or recognising them to be superior over you, like using Sir, my King, my hero and so on to address them, while to some you must obey them and not challenge them, when they say come you run to them, when they say jump you ask them how high in other words to be submissive, yet to some men respect means being loyal, that is, to stand with them and be supportive always. So look for what your man wants, check the route cause of your quarrels, it could point towards what he wants. He may see you as being stubborn and in extension disrespectful when you constantly disagreed with him. Love is not enough for relationships to strive. You need to be tolerant and know when to shift grounds. I recommend, both of you should seek the help of a counselor and have one on one counseling sections.

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